please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
