There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
