Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
