I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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