If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
