So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
