Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Houston, we have a squirter
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
