uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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