So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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