I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
