Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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