At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
