I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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