You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
