that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
