I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
