If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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