I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
