I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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