you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
