so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
