WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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