maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
