i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
