So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
