new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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