I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
