she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize