is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
