the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
