Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
