Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
