I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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