some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
