Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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