i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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