you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
