I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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