y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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