dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, beer. Big fan.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
