i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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