I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My feet surprised me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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