Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
