why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
