he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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