i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
