He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
