Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
