i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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