I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We got so high we made milksteak
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
