There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
