I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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