How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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