Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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