Betty ford says i'm here all night
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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