we're blogging at a bar
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
