Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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