My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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