I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
