He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!