i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...