How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.