Sorry, I don't speak sober.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
