Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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