So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
