Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
