NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck appropriateness.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
