I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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