u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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