Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
