I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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