His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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