when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
