were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
