I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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