I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
