Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
pray to the hookup gods
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
