ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
