sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
