I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
