HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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