Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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