Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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