Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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