You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
