When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
