Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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